Very Helpful As a person who deals with numerous control freaks, and who possesses the traits myself, I can appreciate Parrot's advice here for handling folks who refuse to do things any other way than their way. I can also appreciate his tips for tempering the control freak within me. His words are candid, thoughtful, and enlightening.
This book is a good read for anyone who interacts a great deal with people. Strained relationships can be mended and strengthened by taming the control freaks around us, and most importantly the control freak within us.
A Handbook for Dealing with Pushy, Domineering People Les Parrott is a Christian psychology professor and author of several best sellers. He is well-known in the Christian community and is the founder and co-director of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University.
I have found Dr. Parrott's writings very useful in my ministry for adult children of abusive or controlling birth-families, Luke 17:3 Ministries. In this book, Dr. Parrott teaches us how to recognize a control freak and discusses their top ten characteristics- obnoxious, tenacious, invasive, obsessive, perfectionist, critical, irritable, demanding, rigid, and closeminded.
A Control Freak has little respect for privacy and snoops in areas that aren't her business. It doesn't matter how illogical his argument or how insignificant his point, he won't let go. He often zeroes in on some minor detail and doesn't care about the big picture. Compromise is unspeakable- she is right and everybody else is wrong. She sets standards you never agreed to live by. Anything and everything is cause for a tantrum. He will make ridiculous demands and insist or coerce you into doing things his way. He uses criticism as a terrific tool to get people to do what he wants them to.
There is a Control-Freak Self-Test which will tell you if you know a control-freak. Yes or No questions include: If something isn't exactly to this person's liking, he or she reflexively points it out- even at the risk of embarrassing others; It seems that winning an argument is more important to this person than finding the best solution; and If this person doesn't get what he or she wants, you can count on a good display of anger, pouting, or the silent treatment.
The WADIT Principle is explained in a grimly humorous way. We continue forever to do something silly that doesn't make sense because of the WADIT Principle- because that is the way We Always Did It.
Various types of Control-Freaks are discussed, as well as how to cope with them, including chapters on The Pushy Parent and The Invasive In-Law. Each chapter includes a self-test so you can see if you have a Pushy Parent or Invasive In-Law. Setting boundaries, saying "No", forgiveness, identifying your own reactive style, and making decisions are all discussed. We are also taught how to tame our own controlling tendencies.
This is a very interesting and informative book for those with controlling family members, or other controlling people in their lives, and I highly recommend it.
Who's a Control Freak? As a previously self-diagnosed Control Freak, this book is a real eye opener. Good for both the CF and those who live or work with CF's. An honest appraisal and reading of the suggestions was very helpful.
